Various Artists - Entertainment Weekly's Hot Dance Mix (double-cassette)

(Entertainment Weekly, Inc./Arista - www.ew.com)
[Genres: dance, hip hop, vomit]

Well, since it was Halloween last Wednesday, I've decided to choose an appropriately scary album for review, Entertainment Weekly's Hot Dance Mix. Interestingly enough, I didn't really have any scary albums to review for you readers until yesterday, when, by some odd stroke of luck, a double cassette package arrived in the mail. The words "Entertainment Weekly Hot Dance Mix" popped out at me. Why did I get this? What happened? Well, it didn't matter, because this was just the perfect album to review for Halloween. This compilation features "amazing hits" from such "audio wizards" as Technotronic, Snap, and, best of all, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. I mean, who can't help but "feel the bum rush" when they listen to such classics as "Bust A Move" by Young M.C.? Who can resist the genius lyrics from Technotronic's "Pump Up The Jam" ("Get yo' booty on the floor tonight/Make my day") Ok, so this stuff isn't actually any good. As much as I try, I just can't seem to pump up enough jam to enjoy this at all. Even Cathy Dennis's intelligent "Touch Me (All Night Long)" can't rise my spirits. The rest of the compilation is just as horrible as what I've already mentioned (with the exception of "Pump Up The Jam," which is just plain funny). So, listen up Entertainment Weekly, you entertain very weakly. (I couldn't help myself.)

38%

Top Tracks: Technotronic's "Pump Up The Jam," the silence between the last song and the physical end of the tape